1.08 Girlfriends

Summary and spoilers

Somehow the boys manage a double-date with two women who work in a croissant shop. Each woman in turn takes a liking to Bret (especially Lisa, who ends up going home with him). Jemaine is unable to generate any charisma, start a conversation, or even remember the two women’s names from one moment to another.

Murray strongly advises the boys that bands should not have girlfriends. Murray has good news, too: his car broke down in the ghetto, leading to a meeting with a man who is a relative of high-powered music producer Quincy Jones. Murray has assumed this only because the guy’s surname is also Jones. Through Murray’s Jones, he buys a stereo system and agrees to have 2500 CDs burned of Bret and Jemaine’s single. Unfortunately, Murray is only able to sell one of the CDs (to Mel, of course). Not only that, most of the boxes are filled not with CDs but with sawdust. Murray manages to recoup some of his investment when Dave agrees to buy the CDs. They are rewritable, and Dave plans to erase them and sell them as blanks. Now if only Murray can find someone who will buy his sawdust, he will have salvaged the entire deal.

Bret’s seeming good luck with the ladies backfires when he reveals that he is not interested in a one night stand. Rather, he wants lovemaking to be romantic and to be achieved after three years of dating. Lisa feels differently and takes the lead, acting like a stereotypical aggressive man. Lisa convinces Bret to sleep with her by saying she is leaving the next day to serve in Iraq as a sniper. After they sleep together, Bret feels violated and depressed. Even Jemaine’s use of the talking stove doesn’t fully cheer him up. Even worse, Lisa’s story about going to war was just a lie she used to get a one night stand.

Comments

This episode, a pure switch of the sexes with stereotypes switched as well, is not quite as funny as some of the better episodes. But the songs are good (as usual).

Songs in this episode:

"Foux du Fafa" - (Faux French, with everyone dressed in pastel colors; I got even more enjoyment out of this due to the use of my old home - Park Slope, Brooklyn - posing as Paris)

"A Kiss Is Not a Contract" - (Not every man wants to go all the way)

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Jemaine: Oh, look: Bret’s feeling Felicia’s breast.
Felicia: Uh, I’m Felicia. That’s –
Jemaine: Yes -
Felicia: Lisa.
Jemaine: - feeling Lisa’s breast then, probably. That must be nice for her.
Felicia: Yeah.
Jemaine: Looks like she’s responding to that quite – positively.

Murray: And Quincy Jones, he’s the music producer, isn’t he? What’s some of the albums that he’s produced, Bret?
Bret: Michael Jackson’s ‘Off The Wall’?
Murray: Yeah, whoa! I’ll say he is! He’s crazy! Off the planet! Isn’t he gonna freeze himself?

"Just because you’ve been exploring my mouth
Doesn’t mean you get to take an expedition further south"
- Bret (from ‘A Kiss Is Not A Contract’)

You can take me out to dinner, that might be quite nice
You can buy me a burrito and some beans and rice
But that won’t get you into pants paradise
- Jemaine (from ‘A Kiss Is Not A Contract’)

"I mean, don’t you know that if, if a girl gets aroused and doesn’t climax, that she could really damage herself? Bret, I might not be able to have a baby."
- Lisa

Girl on street: [to Bret] Are you Bret? I’m a friend of Lisa’s? I heard you like to have a good time?
Jemaine: I’m Bret.

1.07 Drive By

Summary and spoilers

Bret and Jemaine are refused service by a fruit vendor who hates New Zealanders. The boys try to tell Murray about this in a band meeting, but Murray is distracted by his new-found love for Jessica, the tall blonde tech support person. Murray fabricates numerous support issue excuses to lure Jessica back to his office, but he’s too shy to make a move on her. Murray even writes a love song for her; and although it has only one note and one word (‘Hi’), Jemaine says it is better than he expected.

Dave explains that people in America are extremely prejudiced – especially against English people like Bret and Jemaine. The boys find the anti-Kiwi attitude pervades the city and their lives; they are excluded from clubs; the hot dog vendor serves them a bun with mustard and ketchup but no hot dog; they are forced to sit in the back of the bus. They try again to buy an apple from the angry vendor, but they are turned away again. Soon, the vendor is outside their apartment, yelling insults. The boys retaliate by jumping on their bicycles and, using a technique patiently taught by Dave, flip him the bird. All is resolved when the vendor realizes that he has made a mistake. It is Australians whom he really hates; he has nothing against New Zealanders at all. Friends again, Bret, Jemaine and the vendor join together outside the Australian Embassy, flipping the bird at the uniformed guard.

Jessica the tech support person has finished her work installing the new computers and has left the building for good, well before Murray had a chance to get to know her better. Saddened, he sings a painful song of lost love, missed chances, and dead parrots.

Comments

Murray’s mum sends him a VHS tape of New Zealand TV shows like What Have You Done to My Hat and Albi the Racist Dragon. Bret gets a box – just a cardboard box – but it is his favorite box. Sadly, Jemaine’s mum sends nothing.

As a lover of music parody, I was almost orgasmic while watching and listening to Murray’s heart-wrenching ‘Leggy Blonde’. There’s a clever use of the copy machine and stop-motion animation – and Rhys Darby’s singing is sincere.

Songs in this episode:

"Albi the Racist Dragon" (from the New Zealand’s kid’s show that makes the boys cry)

"Mutha'uckas" (sung on bicycles and at an ATM)

"Leggy Blonde" (Murray’s ode to the Tech Support Woman)

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Jemaine: Are you crying over the kid’s show?
Bret: Yeah, so? Are you crying?
Jemaine: Yeah, so what?

Dave: You’re pretty much the most disliked race in this whole country.
Jemaine: What – what about black people?
Dave: They don’t like you either.

Vendor: I’m gonna count to ten.
(silence)
Jemaine: Are you counting in your head?
Vendor: Yeah.
Jemaine: What are you up to?
Vendor: Seven.
Jemaine: Ooh.
(Bret and Jemaine pedal away quickly)

"I mean, I’m not – you know – embarrassed to admit this, but I can’t really put my emotions into words, so I’ve decided to use lyrics."
- Murray

Murray: Alright, I’ve got – this is what I’ve got so far. Umm…here we are: ‘Hi’.
Jemaine: I like it.
Murray: Yeah?
Bret: Hi?
Murray: Yep.
Bret: Is that it?
Murray: Yeah.
Bret: No more words?
Murray: Nope.
Jemaine: It’s better than I expected.
Murray: Really?
Jemaine: Hmm.
Murray: What do you think?
Bret: Thought about adding some more words?
Murray: I don’t know; I don’t want to make it too convoluted.
Bret: Probably want more than one word.

"It doesn’t matter what country someone’s from, or what they look like, or the color of their skin. It doesn’t matter what they smell like, or that they spell words slightly differently, some would say more correctly."
- Jemaine

Vendor: Too bad New Zealanders are a bunch of cocky a-holes descended from criminals and retarded monkeys.
Jemaine: You’re thinking of Australians.
Bret: Yeah, that’s Australians.
Vendor: No, no, New Zealanders – throw another shrimp on the Barbie, ride around on your kangaroos all day.
Bret and Jemaine: No, no, that’s Australians.
Jemaine: You’re thinking of Australians; that’s not us.
Vendor: I’ve – totally confused you with Australians – I feel terrible – just -
Jemaine: Oh, no, but –
Vendor: - accents are kinda similar -
Jemaine: Accents are completely different. They’re like, ‘Where’s the car?’ And we’re like, ‘Where’s the car?’ [sounds exactly the same]

"Every day I look across the office floor
There you were, you hair down to your legs
And your legs down to the floor
Leggy Blonde, goodbye, goodbye
Now that you are gone I’ll never see you here for tech repair
Wish you knew how much I loved your legs
And your hair"
- Murray (from ‘Leggy Blonde’)