1.04 Yoko

Summary and spoilers

Bret’s dates with Coco are somewhat uncomfortable, since Jemaine insists on tagging along (anything to avoid Murray’s detailed tour of band shells and pagodas). Despite numerous hints, Jemaine continues to go; he also has built up the belief that Coco will break up the band much like that other woman with a name that rhymes with Coco (supposedly) broke up a band that rhymes with ‘wheedles’. Eventually Bret is driven to once again quit the band; he returns after Jemaine accepts that Bret cannot choose between the band and Coco (although Coco is happy enough for him to do so).

Comments

The central concept (Jemaine tagging along on dates) just seems a little too silly even for this show, although the scene when Jemaine admits to making a move on Coco after Bret left the room makes up for that.

I liked the attention to detail (even mentioning Robert Moses) in Murray’s pagoda tour, and the obscure Queens, New York locations.

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

"Okay, guys, time for the Interesting Building Tour. This week, it’s Band Rotundas."
- Murray

"No, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own. Enjoy your date, Bret, and your pretend date, Jemaine, alright?"
- Murray

Bret:
Then on our next date
You could bring your roommate
I don’t know if Stu is keen to
But if you want we could double-team you
Jemaine:
How ‘bout you, and two dudes
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Being lewd with two dudes with food
Well, that’s if Stu’s into it too
- from "If You’re Into It"

Bret: Coco said that the other night when I went to the bathroom, that she felt like you… like made a move on her.
Jemaine: Yep, yep, guilty, yeah, I did, but you weren’t doing anything, so I thought, ‘hey’ -
Bret: Yeah, but that’s ‘cause you were there!

"Look at that! Classic Robert Moses design. See the band shell, Jemaine? Where’s your fact sheet? Should be checking this out!"
- Murray

Jemaine: Oh, we’re very busy at the moment, actually.
Coco: Oh, I just – I just popped in to bring you some lunch.
Bret: Oh, great.
Jemaine: Oh, favoritism.
Coco: Here’s yours, Jemaine.
Jemaine: [sincerely] Thank you.

Jemaine: No, it wasn’t a real cough; I said, ‘Yoko’.
Bret: Yeah, I thought so.
Coco: Oh, I should go.
Bret: Why did you say that, ‘cause she’s nothing like Yoko.
Jemaine: Ono, she isn’t.
Murray: Jemaine, you’re putting ‘oh no’ together to sound like ‘Ono’.
Jemaine: Ono I didn’t.
Murray: You did it again.
Jemaine: Ono, did I?

"Another way that love is similar to tape
That I’ve noticed
Is sometimes it’s hard to see the end"
- Bret (from "Pencils in the Wind")

Jemaine: Murray and I miss you, and we want you to rejoin the band again.
Bret: Really?
Jemaine: Yeah, on one condition: that you [makes cutting motion to throat, then points at Coco]
Bret: I’m not gonna kill her, man.
Jemaine: No, just leave – just leave her.

Bret: You know, Jemaine, I’ve been thinking about love, and I guess it’s the very strongest adhesive.
Jemaine: Oh, sorry, Bret, were you talking to me? I was humming. What did you say?
Bret: Oh…doesn’t matter.

1.03 Mugged

Summary and spoilers

New York City can be a dangerous place to live, but Jemaine and Bret have the experience of Murray to guide them. Murray outfits them with New York tourist t-shirts, flouro belts, maps of New York (which he encourages them to keep open at all times) and instructs them to keep to back alleys to stay safe. Murray has noticed that despite his best efforts, many of the New Zealanders that he outfits seem to get mugged, but he has made no correlation between this statistic and his approach. Sure enough, Bret and Jemaine are mugged by two tough guys. The muggers take Jemaine’s prized camera-phone (a gift/invention of Bret, who created it by attaching Jemaine’s camera to Jemaine’s phone). The boys flee on foot with the muggers in pursuit. When Jemaine gets stuck on a fence, Bret flees in fear. Jemaine ends up in jail for two days with one of the muggers. They bond, mostly because they both feel similarly abandoned (the mugger’s friend also ran away from him). It takes a while for the trust between Jemaine and Bret to be restored; the catalyst is Bret retrieving that camera-phone (though in the process, he discovers that perhaps Jemaine doesn’t love it quite as much as was originally believed).

Comments

The two hilarious songs in this episode are:  ‘Rhymenocerous vs. Hiphopapotamus’ (Bret’s and Jemaine’s rapping names), a folk-rap meld that dates back to original Conchords material from 2004 or earlier. The second song is even funnier: ‘Think About It’, a Smokey Robinson-type soulful ballad about the mean streets of a city.

The simple comedy twists used in the show constantly catch me and send me laughing. For example, the show opens with Bret speaking to someone on the phone, while Jemaine listens in the background and constantly interjects little additions to the conversation or asks questions, then asks for the reaction of the caller. Finally, Bret finishes the call and hangs up. Jemaine says, "Who was that?" So all this time he has been almost passionately interjecting, and he didn’t even know who he was talking to!

Dave (Arj Barker) returns and takes part in a funny Who’s On First segment that uses the New Zealand pronunciation of ‘dead’ as its focus.

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Murray: Okay guys, band meeting. Jemaine?
Jemaine: Yes.
Murray: Yes?
Jemaine: Yes.
Murray: Bret.
Bret: Uh, Murray, I was wondering if you could call me by my rapping name.
Murray: Your rapping name.
Bret: Rhyme-nocerous?
Murray: Rhinocerous.
Bret: The Rhyme-nocerous?
Murray: [looks at band sheet] No, that, well that not going to fit in here. I’ve got ‘Bret’. Can’t you just have ‘Bret’ as your rapping name?
Bret: No, it’s not a rapping name.
Murray: It’s a good rapping name. ‘Hello, everybody, I am Bret’.
Bret: No.
Murray: Rhymes with ‘wet’.
Bret: No. Rhyme-nocerous.
Murray: Look, if you’re gonna have some sort of ‘rap name’, just be careful you don’t do a drive-by.
Bret: I won’t.
Murray: You’d better not. You know what I mean by that? What about you, Jemaine; have you got a rapping name?
Jemaine: Yeah. Hiphopapotamus. But you can just call me Jemaine if you want.

Jemaine: We’ve never been ridiculed.
Bret: Nah.
Murray: You haven’t?
Bret: Nah.
Murray: Well, that’s a surprise. I get ridiculed all the time.
Bret: Really?
Murray: Yeah. ‘Whoa, hey – Ginger Balls!’ You know.
Jemaine: That was Bret. He called you that.

"My rhymes are so potent
That in this small segment
I made all of the ladies in the area pregnant"
- Jemaine the Hiphopopotamus

[for this excerpt, the New Zealand pronunciation of dead, which sounds like ‘did’ to the American ear, is the issue]
Murray: You just don’t know; you hear a lot of terrible things happening. He may be dead.
Dave: He maybe did what?
Murray: He may be dead.
Dave: Yeah, I know, but what did he maybe do?
Murray: He may be dead.
Dave: Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. What did he maybe do?
Bret: He may be dead.
Dave: Are you guys fuckin’ with me?
Bret: What?
Murray: Not alive, you know. Dead.
Dave: Oh! Oh!

Dave: [reminiscing about the missing Jemaine] Hey guys, remember the time he got his hand caught in that jar? What a dick! I mean, who gets their hand caught in a jar? Big fuckin’ asshole he was.
Bret: That was actually me.
Murray: That was Bret.
Dave: Are you sure, ‘cause I thought -
Murray: It was Bret, David. [to Bret] Jemaine was the one who helped you out. And he helped you when you got your head stuck in the chair. Remember?
Bret: Yeah.
Murray: He was there for hours. He was just a helpful guy, you know. Loyal…I just hope he’s not dead.

Jemaine: Yeah, one time we were supposed to go to the movies, and – March of the Penguins -
Hood #1: Oh, I love them.
Jemaine: And, he, I had bought the tickets, and he didn’t turn up, he texted me, said ‘I’m not coming’.
[pause]
Hood #1: Well, that’s…that’s not really the same thing, is it? I mean…I shot a guy…you know?
Jemaine: Yours was worse.

Jemaine: You abandoned me. You left me to die.
Bret: Well, I wouldn’t have done it if I had known you were gonna hassle me about it.

Jemaine: If I can’t trust him on the streets, I can’t trust him on the stage. I can’t do another gig with him without going against everything I stand for.
Murray: Well, what if you actually had another gig?
Jemaine: Well, then I would.

"I didn’t really love that camera-phone as much as you thought I loved it. In fact, I kind of think you ruined my phone when you made me that camera-phone…and my camera."
- Jemaine

"There’s people on the street, gettin’ diseases from monkeys
Yeah, that’s what I said, they’re gettin’ diseases from monkeys
Now there’s junkies with monkey disease
Who’s touching these monkeys, please
Leave these poor sick monkeys alone
They got problems enough as it is"
- Jemaine (from ‘Think About It’)

"What man, which man, who’s the man,
When’s a man a man,
What makes a man a man
Am I a man?
Yes
Technically I am"
- Jemaine (from ‘Think About It’)

Bret: Saw a man lying on the street half-dead, with knives and forks stickin’ out of his leg and he said, ‘Ow, wow, wow wow wow wow wow wow wow, can somebody get the knife and fork out of my leg please?’
Jemaine: Can somebody please, remove these, cutleries, from my knees?
- (from ‘Think About It’)

1.02 Bret Gives Up the Dream

Summary and spoilers

A lack of gigs forces Bret to take a job holding various signs on various New York Streets. When Murray finally finds a gig for the guys, Bret is late because of his sign-holding job, and Jemaine performs alone, accompanied by a tape of Bret. Murray decides the tape is better and less hassle, and fires Bret.

Bret concentrates on making it big as a sign-holder, but when his hot co-worker Coco mentions that she likes bands better than signs, he rejoins.

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

"Counting coins on the counter of the 7-11
From a quarter past six to a quarter to seven
The manager, Bevan, starts to abuse me
‘Hey man, I just want some muesli’"
- Jemaine (lyrics from Inner City Pressure)

"You don’t measure up to the expectation
When you’re unemployed, there’s no vacation
No one cares, no one sympathizes
You just stay home and play synthesizers"
- Bret (lyrics from Inner City Pressure)

Jemaine: Are you busy?
Murray: No, I was just reading about the old - toothbrush fence. Fifty brushes now. Pretty impressive, huh. You know -
Jemaine: Murray, we need some money.
Murray: Oh, okay. How much? Got about [takes out metal box] four dollars in here.
Jemaine: Four dollars? I thought we had ten dollars.
Murray: This box cost six.
Bret: What was wrong with the bag?
Murray: The bag was useless, Brett. It had a great big hole in it. Look, we must have lost about twenty dollars out of that bag. It’s the box now.

Jemaine: I can’t believe you got that job and I didn’t.
Bret: Yeah, well you need to work on your people skills.
Jemaine: Shut up Brett.

Jemaine: Hey, Bret, I’m thinking of getting the band back together.
Bret: Oh, really?
Jemaine: Yeah.
Bret: I thought you were doing pretty well with the tape.
Jemaine: The tape’s no replacement for you, man.
Bret: Really?
Jemaine: No, it broke.

1.01 Sally

Summary and spoilers

Bret and Jemaine are struggling New Zealand musicians who have some to New York City to make it big. They are somewhat hampered by their talent-limited agent, Murray, and the fact that their fan base consists of one obsessed groupie girl named Mel. But one thing they do have is the talent for weaving songs into their everyday life – and for making a passable music video while dressed in cardboard robot suits.

There is tension between Bret and Jemaine, sparked when Jemaine begins dating Sally, Bret’s ex-girlfriend. The situation eventually resolves itself, but not without song-inspiring heartbreak for Jemaine and Bret.

Comments

Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, stars of The Flight of the Conchords, are a New Zealand comedy duo of the same name. They created this series with James Bobin; Bobin is the show’s main writer and director.

This is such a wonderfully original and creative show, and the humor is so very dry – arid would describe it better. The show reminded me at varying moments of Monty Python, This Is Spinal Tap, Seinfeld, and Arrested Development. McKenzie and Clement are talented actors who can deliver comedy lines with subtle intonation. The cast is populated almost entirely with fellow comedians (Rhys Darby as manager Murray, Arj Barker as friend Dave, and Kristen Schaal as Conchord groupie Mel).  But it’s not all laughs; what makes it work is an underlying feeling of sincerity.

Memorable Moments

• Sally breaking up with Jemaine despite the ‘No Dumping’ sign in the background
• Bret debuting his hair helmet

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Jemaine: Here, though, I - I don’t seem to get with any women; I just talk about getting with women.
Bret: Yeah, but the ones you talk about are hot. They’re a lot hotter than the ones you got with in New Zealand.
Jemaine: That’s true. I do talk about getting with some pretty hot women.
Bret: You don’t just talk about it, man. You talk about it a lot.

"What I was trying to say before is that, after six or seven weeks, girls find me boring, but I’m not sure what happens, ‘cause that’s about how long it takes to get to know someone."
- Bret

"New Zealand: Don’t expect too much; you will love it."
- tourism poster in Murray’s office

Murray: Item 1: fan base. Ways to increase the American fan base.
Jemaine: What fan base?
Murray: The fan base of the band.
Bret: You mean Mel?
Murray: Hmm.
Jemaine: That’s not a fan base, that’s just a woman.
Murray: Yeah, but I’m, I’m calling it fan base, it’s just easier when I call, ‘cause it’s, you know, you say, ‘ah, the fan’ll be there’, just, you know, they can tell there’s only one person. I’m trying to make it look bigger. It’s a base; put ‘base’ on the end of it. Okay?
Bret: Sounds good.
Jemaine: Sounds better.
Murray: I came up with that.

Murray: When you’re in a band, you don’t get with your band-mates girlfriend – past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well, thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle, you know? Fleetwood Mac situation. Although there were four of them, so more of a love square, but you know, no one gets on.
Jemaine: Okay, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumors?
Murray: No. No, it’s all true.

Jemaine: There is only one kind of dance: the robot.
Bret: And the robo-boogie.
Jemaine: Oh yes…two kinds of dances.

Jemaine: It’s just that I think she might be the one.
Bret: Sally?
Jemaine: Yeah.
Bret: What makes you think that?
Jemaine: You just know. When it happens to you, you’ll know.
Bret: You said Michelle was the one.
Jemaine: Yeah, she’s the one.
Bret: You said Claire was the one.
Jemaine: Yeah, she’s another one.
Bret: So you get more than one one.
Jemaine: Some people are lucky. I’ve had a few…ones.
Bret: So how many ones can you have?
Jemaine: Five.
Bret: How many have you had?
Jemaine: Three. How many have you had?
Bret: Just one.

Jemaine: Bret…do you think it would be okay if Sally and I had the apartment to ourselves tonight?
Bret: What for?
Jemaine: Some time alone.
Bret: Umm, I was gonna be working on my secret project.
Jemaine: Your helmet that looks like your hair?
Bret: Yes.
Jemaine: How’s that going?
Jemaine: It’s going pretty good. I still…need to get more body in the hair. Pretty much looks like a helmet.
Jemaine: Right. Well could you do that…tomorrow night?
Bret: Well, it’s helmet hair night, man – not really. I mean, I’ve been thinking about it for ages. It’s on the board. [gestures to blackboard with tangle of hair under ‘Monday’] You know about it. You said you were going to help, actually, ‘cause I can’t really see what I’m doing when I’ve got it on.

"I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere special this weekend. What was that place you went to with Bret that sounded romantic and…and cheap?"
- Jemaine to Sally