1.05 Sally Returns

Summary and spoilers

Jemaine is still making a pest of himself by hanging around the apartment with Bret and Coco. When Jemaine finally does go out, he runs into Sally at the local laundromat. Sally seems slightly interested in Jemaine, but only if he moves out from sharing with Bret and gets his own apartment. This Jemaine does immediately, although all he can afford is a tiny windowless converted cleaning cupboard, albeit in a posh doorman building on Park Avenue.

When Bret discovers that Jemaine is dating Sally, he turns the tables by invading their dinner date, almost forgetting that he is there with Coco. Jemaine’s housewarming party unfortunately coincides with Sally’s birthday party. The boys compete for Sally’s affections by making elaborate gifts. Jemaine spends five hours making a pop-up card, and then somehow manages to also create a lovely glass butterfly, which he unfortunately breaks when he accidentally sits on it in the subway. Bret writes a song for Sally, and then inscribes all seven verses on a tiny pebble. When Bret is a no-show at Jemaine’s housewarming party, Jemaine abruptly ends it, and tracks down Bret at Sally’s party. Both guys are heartbroken to discover that Sally is also announcing her engagement to an Australian.

On the way home, Jemaine passes along to Bret a message from Coco that he is being dumped.

Things are not faring so well on the band front either. Murray has found no gigs, and he’s also spent 150 dollars of the band’s money to buy three stars, as a supposed real estate investment. Sadly, by the end of the episode, one of the stars is no more: Planet Jemaine goes supernova.

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Bret: Yeah, but, I can’t be ticking all night. I’m not even ticklish.
Jemaine: Aren’t you?
Bret: No, I’m faking it.
Jemaine: Really?
Bret: Yeah, she’d be faking it as well I think.
Jemaine: Oh, that’s not fair. I’m really ticklish.

Jemaine: You can’t tame the J-dog. The J-dog’s just -
Sally; What’s the J-dog?
Jemaine: Uh, well, that’s me. I’m the J-dog.
Sally: Where’s that from?
Jemaine: Well, it’s street language. You know, you just take the first letter of your name and you put dog on the end of it and all the other dogs sort of respect you.
Sally: Okay. I thought it was from a kid’s book or something.

"Next thing you know we’re in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That’s all part of it, that’s foreplay
Foreplay is very important – in love-making
Then you go sort out the recycling
Which isn’t part of the foreplay
But it’s still very important"
 - Jemaine, from Business Time

"Next thing you know I’m wearing absolutely nothing
Except for my socks
And you know when I’m down to just my socks
What time it is
It’s Business Time
It’s Business
It’s Business Time
You know when I’m down to my socks
It’s time for business
That’s why they call ‘em Business Socks"
- Jemaine, from Business Time

Bret: Was it something from a while ago?
Jemaine: No, it’s just -
Bret: When we were at school, and you said you got a hickey from Judy Bailey. I told everyone it was a vacuum cleaner.
Jemaine: No.
Bret: Is that it?
Jemaine: No, it’s not that.
Bret: But you did.
Jemaine: No I didn’t.
Bret: Yes you did.
Jemaine: No I didn’t.
Bret: Well, it was a perfectly round hickey.
Jemaine: Well, she had a perfectly round mouth, anyway –

Murray: Anyway, I thought you said Sally was shallow.
Bret: Oh, she’s not shallow.
Jemaine: She is shallow. But she’s really hot.

Murray: There’s something I want to talk to you about actually, Jemaine. It’s…not good news. Planet Jemaine supernovaed. Yeah, there’s nothing left of it apparently – just a huge gaseous cloud and the beginnings of a black hole.
Jemaine: When did this happen?
Murray: About four million years ago.

Jemaine: I made this for your birthday. [shows broken glass butterfly]
Sally: Aw.
Jemaine: It’s a butterfly. I – I sat on it in the subway.
Sally: Oh, you…shouldn’t have.

"He is so strong. Pick up Bret. Just. just lift him up, he’s little, he’s like a pixie."
- Sally (to fiancé Mark)

Jemaine: Only thing stopping you from being with me is that you don’t want to be with me
Bret: It’s the same with me except with me
- from Song for Sally

"I was wondering if you’d think about moving back in together, ‘cause I’m having trouble paying rent. I spent all my money on art supplies."
- Bret (to Jemaine)

Bret: Well, I mean – I mean, what else can I do, I mean – I’m – I’m sorry.
Jemaine: It’s too late. It’s over. You bastard.
Bret: What, did she call me a bastard?
Jemaine: Uh, no, sorry, I added that bit. Got carried away.
Bret: I might just give her a call about it and see what she says.
Jemaine: [slaps Bret]
Bret: What was that?
Jemaine: Oh, she told me to do that. I was supposed to start with that, actually. I’m sorry, I forgot.