1.11 The Actor

Summary and spoilers

Murray is depressed about how empty and rare the Conchords gigs are, and how he can’t even wrangle some complimentary soup for the band. The Conchords hire Ben, a semi-professional actor, to impersonate a record executive and make a rejection phone call to Murray. Ben (as Stefan Gucci) gets into the role (and probably feels a little sorry for a sobbing Murray) and instead offers Murray a record deal. This leads to an in-person meeting where Murray shows his negotiating skills. The Conchords want no part of this fake deal, which is of course confounding to the clueless Murray. Eventually, Bret gets caught up in the excitement of a two million dollar deal, and the Conchords sign.

Murray spends hundreds of dollars on a Lord of the Rings themed music video and a celebratory rap party; afterward he finds out that the deal was fake. With his finances reduced, Murray moves into his office again, washing his underwear in the sink and drying them in the microwave, a routine that is, to quote Jemaine, "…very humiliating for everyone involved."

Comments

Songs in this episode: ‘Cheer Up, Murray’ and ‘Frodo (Don't Wear the Ring)’.

Those who are in the know about Bret McKenzie’s small role as an elf escort in the second and third Lord of the Rings films will enjoy seeing McKenzie ringing it up again here. Incidentally, McKenzie’s character in the Rings films is known as Figwit, derived from an acronym for "Frodo is great - who is THAT?!?", a phrase coined by fan Iris Hadad. Figwit captured a sizeable internet fan base for his efforts; Peter Jackson has said that he only brought McKenzie back for the third film because of the fan interest from the second film.

John Turturro does a surprise cameo as the credits roll (playing a tough cop alongside Ben as ‘the Dry Cleaner’ in Martin Scorcese’s ‘Dry Cleaner’).

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

"It doesn’t matter how good your music is if no one’s there to hear it."
- Murray

"Some people don’t return your calls
They don’t return your calls
People will call you ‘ginger balls’
They’ll call you ‘ginger balls’
Those people don’t know what they see
They just see ginger balls
ginger balls"
- Bret and Jemaine (from ‘Cheer Up, Murray’)

"Cheer up, Murray
So nothing goes your way
It’s the same every day
Well, tomorrow is another day"
- Bret and Jemaine (from ‘Cheer Up, Murray’)

Jemaine: Well, what about for you? Is this a good deal for you?
Stefan: Well, quite frankly, this is a terrible deal for me.
Jemaine: Do we want to do deals with people that do such terrible deals for themselves?
Murray: I think so.
Bret: Why not?
Murray: Yep.

Murray: I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Articulate!
Mel: It’s elvish. That’s elvish.
Murray: Are you chewing something?
Mel: It’s my native tongue.
Murray: [peers into Mel’s mouth] Is it?
Mel: Yep.
Murray: Alright.

1.10 New Fans

Summary and spoilers

Murray is flush with good ideas for the Conchords to look cool, including the suggestion that they should dangle a stalk of hay out of the side of their mouth. This doesn’t help with their next gig: Murray has booked them into a ‘World Music Jam’, believing that because the Conchords are from New Zealand, they qualify. The gig is cut very short by the emcee, despite Mel’s obvious enjoyment. More surprising are two other women who are taken with the band. Soon, Bret and Jemaine are dating them. They visit Dave to borrow some of his ‘cool’ clothes (like a t-shirt with a mouse doing it with another mouse trapped in a mousetrap). Dave borrows Indian clothes from two older people that he insists on calling his ‘roommates’, although everyone knows they are his parents.

Murray shows the guys the band website, where, unknown to the boys, webcams have been beaming images of their apartment (including their bedroom, where Jemaine was engaging in a little one on one love) over the internet.

A Murray-sponsored fan contest is won by Mel, of course; she has earned the right to cook dinner for the band. She does this in her home, tucking her husband Doug away to hide in a nondescript corner – until he is accidentally discovered by Bret. But her dream night with the band is severely compromised when Bret and Jemaine also bring along their new groupie girlfriends. Mel still fulfills her role and cooks up a storm, but she’s seething with jealousy throughout the night. Mel is particularly concerned that the new girls care nothing about the band’s music and are only interested in sex. She cautions Bret to make sure that the girls respect his boundaries, but obviously she has no such boundaries herself, as she relates this advice while poking her head around the toilet door while Bret is trying to pee.

Bret and Jemaine leave early with the girls. At Rain’s place, they agree to do acid. After a freaky trip, Summer offers Bret, and then Jemaine, a threesome. For a long time, the boys are confused about exactly who is in the threesome. When they find out that they both are in it with Summer (Rain has gone home), they are appalled and try to get out of it by climbing out the bathroom window, but the window leads back to the lounge room and Summer, and that man-lady-man threesome.

Comments

It’s great that Mel gets a chance to shine in this episode with a few more lines.

There’s something wonderfully amusing about Bret’s proud stance as a staunch non-fan of his own band.

Songs in this episode: the funky ‘Ladies of the World’ and the acid-induced ‘The Prince of Parties’.

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Murray: You can’t be a fan of the band!
Jemaine: Why?
Murray: It’s not a good look.
Jemaine: But I’m a fan.
Murray: Yeah, but people look at the fan list and they say, "Ooh, hang on, that guy’s in the band, isn’t he? He likes himself." It’s not a good look. You don’t see Bret on the fan list.
Bret: Yeah, that’s ‘cause I’m not a fan of the band. I’m more a fan of popular bands, like the Bee Gees…Pearl Jam…

"Republic of Dominican
Amphibian
Presbyterian"
- Jemaine (reciting some categories for the ‘Ladies of the World’)

"All you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
Your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be into you, ooh, ooh"
- Jemaine (from ‘Ladies of the World’)

"I don’t care if you’re ugly or you’re skanky or you’re small
I just want to do a little something special for you all"
- Jemaine (from ‘Ladies of the World’)

Jemaine: [about Dave’s roommates] They’ve got photos of themselves with you as a kid.
Dave: [whispered] I know. It’s creepy. I think they make ‘em on the computer.

Mel: What was your name again?
Rain: It’s Rain.
Mel: Oh…that’s nice…kind of like bad weather.

1.09 What Goes On Tour?

Summary and spoilers

Murray has big news – he’s gotten the Conchords a gig at Central Park. He’s also booked the boys into a warm-up tour using what he calls the ‘Emergency Fund’, but what others would call his personal checking account. Murray has recently gotten back together with ex-wife Shelley, but after she finds money missing from the bank account and begins to suspect that Murray is once again involved with those two useless novelty musicians, phone calls from Shelley to Murray escalate in anger and decline in length.

For their part, the boys are a little worried that the only other tour Murray has organized was for a rugby team. As a timesaver, Murray uses the same Rugby itinerary with cross outs and red pen for the Conchords, leading to some confusion about why there is no tour bus this time (they are instead going in Murray’s Honda Accord) and how many squat thrusts they have to do every morning.

The first gig is at a semi-deserted LaGuardia Airport Hotel lounge. Despite the lack of audience size, Murray still hands out a small wad of cash ‘per diem’. Although the cash is supposed to buy food for the entire week, the boys immediately spend it all on matching leather jackets. Murray is initially appalled, so much so that he doesn’t even want to see the other item the boys have purchased. Later, Murray changes his mind, deciding that buying the jackets is a classic ‘rock excess’ move. Murray tries to blames Jemaine (the supposed wild one). Bret then accidentally trashes various hotel rooms, televisions, and sound equipment. The Conchords destructive image precedes them, causing gigs to be cancelled. Things get worse when a girls water polo team cons them by charging hundreds of dollars of drinks to their hotel room. Finally, Bret accidentally drives Murray’s car into a hotel pool. Murray angrily quits and stalks off down the road. All is soon forgiven when the boys catch up to him (having grabbed a ride with Mel) and Murray finally looks inside the brown bag at that other item the boys bought with their per diem – a matching leather jacket for Murray. Disappointment sets in for the Conchords, however, when they discover that the big Central Park gig is not the famous Central Park in New York, but a nondescript ‘central park’ in Newark, New Jersey.

Comments

This is a cute, sweet episode, but it certainly isn’t as funny as some of the better episodes from earlier this season.

There’s only one song in this episode (‘Mermaid’); its loads of fun, but the lyrics are kind of hard to understand at times (due to the slimy scaly lounge singer style).

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Jemaine: ‘Per diem’ means ‘for the day’, so, see -
Murray: Well, I don’t know Latin.
Jemaine: Well, you should have said, ‘per week-em’ would be the correct term.

Water polo girl: [to Bret] I love your accent.
Jemaine: I have the same.

Bret: So what is water polo?
Jemaine: It’s like polo in the water.
Bret: On seahorses?

"Mermaid murmur into my ear
The answers to questions I want you to hear
Like does it relax you to hear the sound of the land?"
- from ‘Mermaid’

"Would it be weird for you if I touched your fishy half – ‘cause it would be for me"
- Jemaine (from ‘Mermaid’)

Bret: Are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock, holding half a fish?
Jemaine: - half a sexy fish
- from ‘Mermaid’

Bret: Murray, I – I didn’t actually mean to put your car into the swimming pool.
Jemaine: I didn’t mean to buy those nuts.