1.09 What Goes On Tour?

Summary and spoilers

Murray has big news – he’s gotten the Conchords a gig at Central Park. He’s also booked the boys into a warm-up tour using what he calls the ‘Emergency Fund’, but what others would call his personal checking account. Murray has recently gotten back together with ex-wife Shelley, but after she finds money missing from the bank account and begins to suspect that Murray is once again involved with those two useless novelty musicians, phone calls from Shelley to Murray escalate in anger and decline in length.

For their part, the boys are a little worried that the only other tour Murray has organized was for a rugby team. As a timesaver, Murray uses the same Rugby itinerary with cross outs and red pen for the Conchords, leading to some confusion about why there is no tour bus this time (they are instead going in Murray’s Honda Accord) and how many squat thrusts they have to do every morning.

The first gig is at a semi-deserted LaGuardia Airport Hotel lounge. Despite the lack of audience size, Murray still hands out a small wad of cash ‘per diem’. Although the cash is supposed to buy food for the entire week, the boys immediately spend it all on matching leather jackets. Murray is initially appalled, so much so that he doesn’t even want to see the other item the boys have purchased. Later, Murray changes his mind, deciding that buying the jackets is a classic ‘rock excess’ move. Murray tries to blames Jemaine (the supposed wild one). Bret then accidentally trashes various hotel rooms, televisions, and sound equipment. The Conchords destructive image precedes them, causing gigs to be cancelled. Things get worse when a girls water polo team cons them by charging hundreds of dollars of drinks to their hotel room. Finally, Bret accidentally drives Murray’s car into a hotel pool. Murray angrily quits and stalks off down the road. All is soon forgiven when the boys catch up to him (having grabbed a ride with Mel) and Murray finally looks inside the brown bag at that other item the boys bought with their per diem – a matching leather jacket for Murray. Disappointment sets in for the Conchords, however, when they discover that the big Central Park gig is not the famous Central Park in New York, but a nondescript ‘central park’ in Newark, New Jersey.

Comments

This is a cute, sweet episode, but it certainly isn’t as funny as some of the better episodes from earlier this season.

There’s only one song in this episode (‘Mermaid’); its loads of fun, but the lyrics are kind of hard to understand at times (due to the slimy scaly lounge singer style).

Flight of the Conchords Quotes

Jemaine: ‘Per diem’ means ‘for the day’, so, see -
Murray: Well, I don’t know Latin.
Jemaine: Well, you should have said, ‘per week-em’ would be the correct term.

Water polo girl: [to Bret] I love your accent.
Jemaine: I have the same.

Bret: So what is water polo?
Jemaine: It’s like polo in the water.
Bret: On seahorses?

"Mermaid murmur into my ear
The answers to questions I want you to hear
Like does it relax you to hear the sound of the land?"
- from ‘Mermaid’

"Would it be weird for you if I touched your fishy half – ‘cause it would be for me"
- Jemaine (from ‘Mermaid’)

Bret: Are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock, holding half a fish?
Jemaine: - half a sexy fish
- from ‘Mermaid’

Bret: Murray, I – I didn’t actually mean to put your car into the swimming pool.
Jemaine: I didn’t mean to buy those nuts.